Posted by
Xavier Cougat on Tuesday, March 31, 2009 1:27:22 PM
According to secret White House communiqués, Chief Auto Executive Obama plans to introduce a new car to the American public, the "Peopleswagen". Under the plan GM would cease production of all current models, opting instead to produce just one model, a modest "green" car with a profile resembling B. Hussein Obama's round head that experts anticipate would retail at around $70,000 due to a myriad of federal standards that would have to be met as well as the added expense of renegotiated lucrative union contracts. The "Peopleswagen" will run on an esoteric technology that somehow taps into the good vibes Obama gives off, converting them to electricity, although analysts fear that if Barry's poll numbers fall significantly there could be an adverse reduction in MPG ratings. The new "car for the masses" would be available in a single color, a vibrant red (to be called "Soviet Crimson" when the brochure comes out).
The rationale behind this initiative is that, during these days of crisis, American citizens needn't own more than one vehicle at a time. (Remember, it's all about "sacrifice".) Since many Americans do, in fact, own more than one car, they should have no trouble affording a single "Peopleswagen" even at the exorbitant price. Of course, average Americans who could not afford that price tag would be subsidized through generous tax credits. Besides, according to a White House source that wished to remain anonymous, it's just not fair for some people to drive luxury automobiles while other, "less fortunate", folks have to make do with ordinary cars. (Remember, it's all about "fairness".)
It's instructive to recall that the last time a Head of State got proactively involved with an ailing auto industry was back in the 1930s in the Weimar Republic. Yes, der Führer was very enthused about reinvigorating Germany's sagging auto industry, teaming up with Ferdinand Porsche to introduce the Volkswagen. Having already glowingly compared The One to Lincoln, FDR, JKF and Reagan, will the media now begin comparing Obama to Hitler?
While speaking out of one side of His mouth at His press conference, Dear Leader Obama assured us that the government had absolutely no intention of managing GM or Chrysler. He confirmed this when He fired the CEO of General Motors and laid out various mandates for that company to follow. He even Personally guaranteed your car warranties. So it seems, guided by O's vision, Government Motors will rise from the ashes, becoming a true corporate model for the Age of Obama.
Happy motoring!