Posted by
Xavier Cougat on Saturday, December 13, 2008 2:01:09 PM
I don’t know about you but I’m growing weary of trying to follow the electoral recount up there in Minnesota. One day Norm Coleman’s gained some net votes. The next day Al Franken has whittled away his opponent’s slim lead. These ballots will now be counted. This precinct’s original tally will be upheld. Blah blah blah.
What a waste of money and resources. Whether Al can still manage to steal the election or not, everyone already knows that it’s going to come down to a damn close election (or re-election). In the end, it will still be a statistical dead heat. Should we then recount the recount?
My first instinct was to suggest settling the matter with a good old-fashioned coin toss. Why not? It’s much more cost efficient than prolonging this affair in litigation.
But then I was struck with a better solution. A coin toss is— unless the Franken team manages to sneak in a weighted official coin— purely arbitrary. Such a random act completely fails to take into account the merits of each candidate. Fate alone has the last word. The word “contest” would hardly apply any longer.
I pride myself as a progressive thinker (in the larger sense of the word). So I am proposing that Norm Coleman and Al Franken should settle this matter once and for all. I propose that Coleman, the nobler of the two, challenge Mr. Smalley (aka Al Franken) to a duel to the death. There is precedence for this in our history. Recall the mortal duel between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr.
One advantage would be that a duel to the finish would rid us of one (or possibly both—that’s the risk) of these politicians for good. Of course, I’m pulling for Norm, big time. Compared to his lunatic opponent, he’s a decent fellow and has served admirably in the Senate. I’m also betting on Norm because I think he’s probably fired a gun before whereas the uber-liberal sissy, Franken, is probably terrified of firearms.
Finally, to help our ailing economy, I would propose that this “vote to the finish” duel between Mr. Coleman and Mr. Franken be featured for public consumption through pay-for-view broadcasting.
Are there any downsides? Sure. If such a match catches on in the public imagination, we may be setting a dangerous precedent for future elections. The popular vote and the Electoral College may very well be at stake. But for now, the biggest downside would be that Al get’s lucky and manages somehow to plug Norm first. That would truly be tragic, not just for Norm Coleman’s family but for the citizens of Minnesota and the rest of us who’d have to suffer this maniac running loose in the halls of Congress.